hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
