I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Randomize
