i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
