Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
there was a trapeze. enough said
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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