Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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