I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
