My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right