apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
someone owes me an orgasm
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol