So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos