i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
