i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.