if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox