I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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