he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.