I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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