just tell him i said nine months
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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