I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
