and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
