oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Every concussion has its silver lining
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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