Where is the hickey?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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