at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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