Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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