Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
someone threw a dead crab at me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
