Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
