my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
