I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
