saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
