just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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