i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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