My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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