But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
