If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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