meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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