can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
