I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
