it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
