He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
