I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
