I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
