Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
