70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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