I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
