He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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