i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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