My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
