Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
