Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
