I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
