I wanna passion pit in your ass
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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