How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
