I heard we made out
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
