We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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