She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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