i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
