That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Mom said you looked used
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
