Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
