I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
