just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize