im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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