Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
me + whiskey = a bad person
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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