you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
