I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
