i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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