I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
