We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
