I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
