I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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