He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
