Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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