I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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