I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
