god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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