the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
