Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
