Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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