1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
