Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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