wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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