He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
