It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
