someone owes me an orgasm
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
