My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
