Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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