Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
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He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
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Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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