you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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