Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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