just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
