i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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