You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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